The Naughty or Nice List
A very important question for parents of adult children
My husband and I have been talking about a matter of utmost importance. If you have minor children, especially if you have more than one child, then this might eventually be a discussion in your household, too. The subject matter is: what to give your adult children for Christmas.
We have this discussion every year. It goes somewhat like this:
Husband: What do you want to give the kids this year?
Me: Uhhhh … I don’t know, what do you want to give the kids this year?
Husband: Uhhhh …
Two weeks later.
Husband: What do you want to give the kids this year?
Me: Uhhhh … I don’t know, what do you want to give the kids this year?
Husband: Uhhhh …
And so on and so forth until a few days before Christmas, when we suddenly realize that Christmas is in a few days. At which point, we buy anything that is left on Amazon because … you know, Amazon Prime. I feel like Amazon Prime was created for this exact reason.
I imagined this scenario at Amazon’s board meeting when creating Amazon Prime:
Jeff Bezos: I am poor. I need more money so I can buy a big ship.
Board member #1: Let’s increase our prices.
Board member #2: Let’s be really, really slow shipping things to people to force everyone to be suckered into purchasing a yearly subscription for two or three day shipping.
Board member #1: Yeah! People will buy more stuff if their shipping is free!
Jeff Bezos: To boldly go where no man has gone before!
If we are really down to the wire, I will trudge to the local gas station, where they sell Amazon gift cards in various denominations.
(Side note: the gas station has all sorts of candy if you want to stuff stockings for smaller kids. Go on, ask me how I know this.)
This year, however, we had this conversation:
Husband: What do you want to give the kids this year?
Me: Uhhhh … I don’t know, what do you want to give the kids this year?
Husband: Uhhhh … I don’t know, but we need to make a decision before October 15th.
Me: Whaaaat! Don’t pressure me!!!
Husband: Amazon Prime is charging a 35 cent surcharge per item after October 15th for the holidays.
Me: Whaaaat! Amazon, stop pressuring me!!!
[Edit: As one astute reader pointed out, this isn’t an increase of 35 cents for every item you purchase. Rather, it’s a 35 cent fee to third-party sellers using the Fulfillment by Amazon service, but these items comprise quite a bit of the stuff you find on Amazon. This fee will most likely be passed onto the consumer. So that’s like, almost everything on Amazon.]
So this year, dear readers, I might have to adult and buy The Kids something for Christmas … before the season actually starts.
We should all be used to that since every single store in the entirety of the United States starts playing Christmas music right around October 15th. And Hallmark does backflips of joy because it can start showing all those Christmas movies featuring D- rated actors nonstop until sometime in February!
Hey, here is an idea, Amazon. Why don’t you get together with Hallmark and shopping malls to start playing all Christmas music and movies right after Labor Day! Think of all the profits you would have then! You can even start charging everyone an exorbitant extra shipping fee … like to the tune of $139 per year!
I even have a name for it. You can call it Amazon Prime.
Beam me up, Scotty!
Book Promos
This newsletter, I have the pleasure of announcing:
Stolen by Elli P. Hunt … What Happened to Abi Coltrane …?
The Amulet Society by S.H. Steele … They were brought together to serve the supernatural community …
Memoirs of a Doctor: An Extraordinary Journey of Faith by Dr. Andrew C.S. Koh … Dr. Andrew C.S. Koh shares with the reader his truthful and insightful journey into the life of a doctor …
All Debts, Public and Private by Chad Sanborn … Inexperienced Sheriff Billy Keene is working his first kidnapping, and he knows he’s in over his head …
Grab some freebies! Paranormal Women’s Fiction and Romance book giveaway.
And even more freebies! Horror 2 Read Mid-August book giveaway.
And some more freebies! Mystery/Thriller book giveaway.
Happenings
I am still struggling with Stephen King’s Lisey’s Story and James Chandler’s Misjudged. I just can’t get into them because of the bad writing.
I did, however, hit the halfway mark on my novella … the next free giveaway to my mailing list (that’s you). This book will replace my short story. But have no fear, my short story will be available (free) on the Kindle if you still want to read it.
Type faster, I want to read the new novella!